-| x | u | e |-

i do want to.

2004-09-21T06:11:00.000-07:00

if i look like i dont care, i do.

every smile i show is a tear. but i couldnt cry.

within the yr, within the class.
can life be less complicted?
there are few i could trust.
i'm sorry for many things i've done.
i too want to erase the past.
but sometimes fate dont allow.
i was unhppy, i was sad.
but now i'm just tired.
i wana let go. please.

if apology can make everything return to normal, i'm willing to apologise.

to janice: sorry abt the chinese thingy, i noe we pushed alot of work to u...i'll jiayou de...

to jess and eva and qiqi : sorry for making u all stay up so late to do RS, i promise i'll make up for it, but i was really sick yesterday.

to tian:sorry for being angry with you, can we just return to what we were at the start of the yr?

to cy: sorry for not being able to act les with you anymore...

yrmates, friends.... can we forget about stuff like positioning, marks and whatever? and just be friends.

if tears can solve anything, i'll cry.
if...

hmmm...

2004-09-18T06:37:00.000-07:00

just finished the w/s abt the 911 thingy...

its stupid. she will definitely have ALOT to sae abt wat i wrote. cuz itz CONTRIDICTING.

haiz...

there are two sides to every story, cant she tell. she's perfectly like someone i know. so not understanding. hah! cant believe i crushed HER. now i see more clearly.

the guy went to save someone he did not know...he didnt even think abt his 'wife' and mum, and definitely not abt himself. but if he had not she the woman, her family will be heart broken. but ironically, the building collapsed before he manges to save her. just like romeo and juliet, romeo killed himself just moments before Juliet wakes up. IRONIC.life is so mean.

been listening to jasmine's songs the whole day...i LOVE 宁夏. swallowtail butterfly is nice...but only the tune. i cant imagine worshipping someone who hurt me.

wewere,werentwe?

2004-09-13T04:03:00.000-07:00

haiz...eoi in six wks time...Hope I can handle.

u noe wat? Such interesting things just happen, just when u tot tat sine ppl have returned to normal, they do some stuff again. and here i'm regering to two differnt grps of ppl.haiz.
first day of school, nothing much...too sleepy to do anything anyway. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ok, i'm not stressed.

why do ppl feel stress? i wonder.

i'm having mixed emotions. something nice had just happened, but i dont feel accomplished or that i deserved it. everyone else did well...except for me. typical. sometimes talents are just not enough. i feel so guilty when ppl sae that i have talent but i'm not trying hard enough. but am i really talented? i doubt so. wat happened was supposed to make me feel happy or confident rite? i feel the other way round. well, actually i was jumping for joy yesterday, or rather , for relieve. hmmm....i knew that if we couldn't, its all my fault.

1. i did not help, even though i wanted to.
2. i did nothing.
3. i did nothing.

I did NOTHING. tat was the whole pt. signz.

to jan - i noe you are pissed with me over the chinese thingy. sorry...haiz...i really dunno now to phrase this. sorry for making you have to do so much of the wk.

so les today. haha.

i want to question why. but i could not. i'm not in the position to.

sometimes...

i'm really tired of it, i hate competition. specially mean ones. as in, although competition brings improvement, some people are drived crazy by the thought of success that they will do stupid things. haiz.

choices- we were told to make, but not recognised. so watz the point.

i tink i'm evil. ok, at first i just wana give up everything and just let it go, so that everything will be peaceful and nice. but now i'm in to compete, see wat i mean. competition can change everything. i wana win this race, although i noe tat the chances are low. for i noe i'm better, at least in this area.

i really deserve the jin ma jiang. haiz. didnt realise tat i'm such a gd actress. tatz so sick.i hated someone for 'acting', and now i'm doing it myself, even trying to find excuses doesnt help. poof.

was it really my fault? as in, i dont understand, sometimes u do everything and someone else gets the credit, but sometimes its the ither way round, so it kinds of balance up, i tink.

guess it freaky tat some little stuff i do can get larger credits that wat ppl put in alot of effort. but tatz just like once in a yr. i dont understand why she must dislike me just for this. stupid gal. i actually stopped hating her for like two seconds, then sth happens again.

if someones reads this and suspect that i tokin abt her, she's guilty.

haha.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

hmmm...ok, i'm being fake. nvm.

blar...

2004-08-11T03:40:00.000-07:00

haiz...my abandoned little bloggie..hehe...i'm back...for 2dae at least....

finally its over...and i finally realise tat i still could not let go...y? i wonder too...maybe its the fireworks tat i wana be under, i wana see again, i wana feel the same feeling i did in p5, when it feels so special, because i was with someone special...haiz...hehe..i sound so silly...went 4 ndp twice after p5, bu none feels the same, so maybe i was just so wateva.

you yi dian xiang tong le... after i wen t with jan to concert...tink abt quite alot...straighten this out with myself...blar...n so on...all these crap...u noe. haiz... realise tat i was being so stupid.. hehe... was i angry with myself, or someone else... in the end, i was just angry with myself for not being able to do as well and vent my anger on someone else... listening to fish leong's songs now...so calmin...her songs rox...hehe...nvm...i'm trying to let go...but tink i need some help here...lar...when i dunno hu to trust, tink itz better to trust everyone...

haiz...when life is too complicted...force it to be simple...haf to admit tat i still do feel sad...sometimes will wonder why ???????????????????? hmm.... there's no answer..so dont bother finding...itz just fate..blar.... well, maybe not...two ice creams dont realli help..hehe

*i sincerly apologise to the person i badly slander a mth ago...sighz...hope u will see this...em...i didnt really have a choice u noe...u were nv at fault... well, u were not even involved in this whole stupid thing at first. aniwae....

if time can flow backwards... i would nv have joined ndp, or claim tat i lyk **, then mayb life will b easier.... i'm quite tired of this stupid game...haiz...

balr...just ignore me...i'm tokin crap.

.

2004-07-17T23:44:00.000-07:00